But the internet never lies...

At the moment, all I seem to be is an inconvenience.

Get told by the mother that she’s worried about my depression, well then simple answer; stop being so passive aggressive and making me feel like an inconvenience.

Yours sincerely,

your daughter who doesn’t know if she’s coming or going and whose depression isn’t just going to disappear if I “hand my burden back to god”. Keep your new age shite to yourself and let me live my life like a normal person. You’re not helping. You’re hindering and you know it.

19 May

What the fuck is the point?

Really?

18 May

Feeling pissy/rageful?

Put some indie music on hella loud, sing the fuck out of it in the shower. Not give a shit.

17 May

mochacafe:

via Most NOTED Posts

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16 May

708 notes

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mochacafe:

via glossfixation

16 May

1,137 notes

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14 May

2,862 notes

This photo was reblogged from asdfghjkllove and originally by asdfghjkllove.

The Family that Guilt Built.

My Dad works ridiculously hard. Even though he’s in an office job, he wakes up at 5 am every day, is away from home at least 4 days a week (we currently live in scotland, and he is based 4 hours away in Leeds), supports his wife and two daughters; one of whom has major issues with depression and the like (myself), and my sister. He’s done this without complaint for at least a year, and has put me and sis through private education, done without so we could have over the years and supported our musical endeavours over the years without question.

The past weekend has been pretty ridiculous. My sister’s car was involved in a serious accident (thankfully she’s ok), and my boyfriend had to come and get me from a gig I was doing in Edinburgh after he’d been at work for 8 hours, as my mum and dad were in Yorkshire looking for a house. Due to some fiscal problems my sisters had which I’m not going to go into, lets just say an issue with the insurance has appeared, and as a result my dad’s ending up paying for the repairs.

All of a sudden, Dad is feeling incredibly selfish that him and mum are moving a few hours away because of our family’s history of things going tits up, especially with sis doing daft things with money and my history of depressive episodes. Factor in my lack of driving skills, a job, and our nearest family being 30 miles away (I’m Glasgow based, family is near edinburgh based), poor man is freaking out in case something happens and thinks he’s being selfish.

Of course I’ll be sad that my family is far away from me, but I’d rather my dad didn’t work himself to death driving for more hours in a week than he does sleep because of “what if…..”. The guilt if he did feel the need to stay for my benefit would compound my guilt and inferiority complex so badly, I doubt I’d be able to cope.

Very few times have I seen my Dad cry; and every time it breaks my heart.

14 May

#guilt #family #depression #i love my dad

Dissertation Advanced

Trying to come up with a definitive dissertation topic to do with post queer and Britten, which is different to my last dissertation. IS HARD.

02 May

Greener Places

Even though I’ve lived in either a large town or a city most of my life (apart from a brief stop over in St Andrews), I hate it. At least back home I get to hear bird song in the morning; but in Pollokshields, no such luck.

I want to wake up in the morning when the sun rises and to the sound of birds. I want to look out the window and see fields and mountains and rivers. I want to know that there’s at least 40 mins between me and the next person. I want to see every star in the sky, and not just the glaringly bright ones. I want to be able to open my windows and not have a cloud of dust and debris come inside. I want to be able to smell the earth after it rains.

One day.

13 April

11 April

There’s a moment in your life when you realise that the whole spiel of that you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it is absolute bullshit. I know this sounds like the complaining of someone who has nothing to complain about, but it’s my blog.

I’ve changed my mind as to what I want to be so many times over the years, ranging from a palaeontologist to a farmer, and I know I will be a musicologist, its just a matter if I’m going to get there by the time I’m 70.

People complain that some people aren’t looking hard enough for work and that its your own fault if you’re unemployed. Well here’s some news for you, I’ve been looking for 3 years. I’ve been turned down for farmfoods, greggs, next, evans, asda, tesco, 3 mobile, tmobile, carphone warehouse, phones for you, all the major banks, my old job at university, bupa as a cleaner, carer, kitchen assistant, most of the major hotels in the city, and many many more.

If I can’t find a job, even a part time one, I can’t pay my rent and do a masters. Simple as that. I’ll end up back with my parents, living off the dole and being even more of a failure than I already am.

11 April

Magical Deductions ⚡☂: ok lets see if that thing with glasses chicks suddenly becoming super... →

magicaldeductions:

ok lets see if that thing with glasses chicks suddenly becoming super weird feminine when they whip off their glasses works

woop

well that was anticlimatic wait

wait

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

What that is dumb and does not happen.

Look,…